What Brings You Joy

I recently had lunch with a friend. We had met at our place of employment. Neither one of us work there anymore. We talked a little about our former employer, who we know that still works there, and what is in the news. However, most of our conversation was about our current lives.

We talked about our hobbies. She is a quilter. I knit. 

A scarf for my sister

We talked about what we are currently reading and books that we have read that we really liked. We talked about vacations and international travel. We talked about mental health and spiritual growth. We talked about family and aging parents. We talked about all the things that are meaningful to our lives.

We kept coming back to the theme of nurturing our soul. What brings us joy. How we feed our well-being and replenish our souls so that we can be present for those who mean the most to us. 

I am prioritizing my health. I am reading more. I am focusing on my role as the member of a board of directors. And I am knitting.

A baby blanket

What brings you joy?

Changes

 

Change happens. It can be sudden and unforeseen. It can be anticipated yet still feel unexpected. Or it can be planned and strategic. Regardless of how it arrives, change is never effortless.

In December, I experienced an unexpected and sudden change. In the initial shock, the one thing I was determined to maintain was my morning habit of getting some kind of exercise or movement. As my situation evolved, I noticed other subtle shifts in my days. Better sleep, more intentional nutrition.

January arrived, and decisions were made. I wanted to continue my two volunteer activities and spend more time with my mother. I also cherished rest. As I move through the stages of grief, I have prioritized my spiritual well‑being. While I do not succeed in all of these areas all the time (except visiting my mother once a month), I do not beat myself up for falling short.

My days have settled into a pattern of routine. I am the master of my calendar and my time. While some appointments are fixed, everything else fits around the availability I choose. In many ways, time has slowed down. There are still moments of stress, but overall, my life is peaceful.

Change can be traumatic, or it can be a cause for celebration. Either way, it is inevitable.

 

Unexpected Friendship

 

Ian told me that no one would ever believe that we could ever be friends. And she is right.

I was working at my desk one day when a new employee was introduced to me. It was a simple introduction. “This is Ian.” I looked up expecting to see a man. Standing before me was a tall, beautiful young woman dressed in black and sporting at least one tattoo that I could see. I was a bit taken aback because “Ian” was not what I expected.

Getting to know Ian a bit, I was pretty sure she would not understand me and would probably shun me. That is what happens when people make assumptions. So, I was careful with my approach to Ian and tried to simply be collegial.

One evening I was volunteering at an Admissions Open House and ended up next to Ian, welcoming prospective students and their families. I was a bit uncomfortable and uncertain about how to engage in casual conversation. However, a simple question of “How did you end up working here?” opened the door to getting to know each other.

As we have worked together, the awkwardness has fallen away. Something changed. The polite, respectful conversations became more personal. We shared our likes, our lives, and our religion. Ian has told me things about her life and her identity that are not part of my tenets. When we have time, we discuss those differences and come know each other better. Some conversations are on hold for a time when we will have the opportunity to delve into them.

Slowly, I realized that I like Ian. She is fun and funny. We have similar tastes in music and television. We like to read. We adore our cats. (After all, they are our babies). We have more things in common than differences. But I still did not know where I stood with Ian.

And then one day Ian said to me, “You’re the first conservative Christian who has ever been nice to me.” It was in that moment that I knew Ian had become my friend.

Peace

 

I found peace this week. A peace that I have not felt in a year. You see, my heart has been broken. Deeply. By someone I love. Someone who has been part of my life for decades.

Additionally, during this year my husband and I have gone through some difficult times due to external events. But we got through them. We communicate well and we are committed to each other in this thing called marriage.

One of those events is that my father-in-law died. Peacefully. Falling asleep in his chair. At home.

I grieved differently for him than I did my own father. Afterall, I had known him longer. My own father passed away when I was almost 32. I knew my father-in-law for 39 years. While my father was there for my childhood and got to see me grow into an adult, my father-in-law saw me grow as an adult. And helped me through some difficult times.

This week I learned that there is more to joy than just saying “thank you.” Instead, acknowledging those relationships that helped me through a tough year and saying to friends who helped me, “this has been a difficult year, and you helped me get through it. Thank you.”

My heart is still broken. And will probably remain so. But I found peace. And the cloud has been lifted.

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. 

 

Big Goals, Small Accomplishments

 

 

I had big plans for the summer. I had taken an extended vacation in April so I would not take any weeks of vacation during the summer. However, I was determined to give myself the gift of time. I was not going to overschedule my weekends. I was going make progress on my next writing project. I was going to take a couple of long weekends to spend time with loved ones.

It is now September and classes start on Wednesday. Students are coming to campus to finalize their schedules and check on their financial aid. What happened to my summer? What happened to my goals?

I made choices. This resulted in a light schedule for June and July. One of those long weekends was spent with my childhood best friend to celebrate a milestone birthday. It was lovely and refreshing. My husband and I spent a long weekend at a local inn. We got to visit with her and extended family. Afterall, her family was my second family growing up.

July brought a long talk over coffee with a dear friend one Saturday morning. My August Saturdays got filled with family and friends.

As for my writing project? I made connections. I wrote a chapter. I rethought the structure. It was a big goal. I accomplished little. There were distractions. That does not diminish what was accomplished. It was a choice. I would not trade the fun. The laughter. The fellowship.

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. 

 

I Wrote a Book

 

Imposter syndrome is real.

According to the Caltech Counseling Center, impostor syndrome is “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.”

My book is based on over 25 years of experience in higher education. For those who don’t know, I am the Director of Compliance at a community college. My focus is on regulatory compliance. I work with my colleagues across the college to make sure we are up-to-date on various federal and state regulations that apply to institutions of higher education.

In my preface I mention that I developed the idea for my book from meetings, conferences, and trainings that I had attended over the years. My experience researching federal regulations and writing departmental policies added to my knowledge. Developing institutional policies and working with cross-functional teams increased my expertise.

However, none of this prepared me for the lack of confidence and feelings of vulnerability. Yes, I have the knowledge. Yes, I have the expertise. Yes, I know how to do research. Yes, I know how to communicate. One-on-one. In a memo. During a meeting. At a conference. But to put it all in one place and share it with the world is daunting.

And so, I wrote a book. I sent it to the publisher and held my breath. I do not expect it to be a best seller, but I wanted to share my knowledge with a larger audience. I wanted to pass on my expertise to others. For me, it is not a “feeling of inadequacy” in the face of information that indicates the opposite is true. It is a feeling of vulnerability. Now everyone knows what I am thinking.

My book can be purchased on Amazon at Institutional Compliance: It's a Team Sport. 

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. 

15 Years

 

Fifteen years ago, I finished treatment for triple negative breast cancer. When making the chemotherapy decision the odds were better to go ahead with the treatment. My oncologist told us that she hoped to prevent recurrence within the next 15 years. When I reached year 10, I “graduated” from oncology. There were tears and hugs. My oncologist told me I was her miracle patient. It’s been 15 years.

Those 15 years have seen many changes, joys, and sadness. We bought a new house. We’ll have been in it 14 years this summer. It still feels like a new home. I started a new job. I’ve been there 12 years and genuinely love what I do.

I’ve lost friends. I’ve made new friends. I’ve reconnected with past friend.

We lost three of our beloved cats. We now have two new cats. Brothers who have brought joy and laughter into our home and help to heal our broken hearts.

Parents have aged. My husband retired. We’ve aged.

It’s been 15 years.

 

 

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor.