#51

I celebrated my birthday this week. My husband took me on a three night stay at our favorite B&B in northern Vermont. We spent three days taking moderate-to-easy hikes. It was three days of fresh air, sunshine, and a bit of exercise. It was just what I wanted.

Every year my husband asks, “So, do you feel older?” Every year I have said “no,” but this year I said “yes.” It’s not that I feel ancient or sick. Instead, I look at my face and I see how I’ve aged. My eyes show the years with small crow’s feet and dark circles. My hands do not look young, though they are not knotted with arthritis yet. It takes me longer to “get going” in the morning, but keeping with a routine helps. I would not say that I feel old, but I am definitely aware that I am now older.

Last year I celebrated turning 50 with two parties and a dinner. It was a joyous week with friends and relatives. The past 12 months have seen a lot of changes; both good and sad. As you know, I lost my friend Linda. I miss her terribly. I am often reminded of her by a sight or something on the radio. While her death was tragic, I have so many fond memories that make me smile that I would not trade a single minute with her.

My job at work has expanded and I am now working full time. I genuinely love my job. I like getting up and going to work in the morning. I am involved in many projects and new initiatives. The benefits are great, and I am able to take vacations to disconnect and recharge without guilt. I am participating in a leadership program over this next year. It will be a year of personal study and professional growth.

When I look back on the last year there have been a lot of changes. And while I’m not sure what 51 is supposed to feel like I am not disappointed.

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me I can be found on Twitter @relucsurvivor.

35 With 15 Years of Experience

I turned 50 this past month. I told people I was having a milestone birthday. Most guessed that I was turning 40. So, if someone asked, rather than guess, I said I was 35 with 15 years of experience. For me, it was, and is, an age worth celebrating.

I had originally wanted a huge party. You know the kind: held in a ballroom with 150 of my closest friends. It didn’t work out that way, but I sure did have a wonderful birthday. I decided to make it a week-long celebration.

Due to various constraints I ended up having two parties, complete with flowers, balloons (which are still inflated) and cake. My first party was held the weekend before the actual date. It was my local party; held in my backyard and invitations sent to select friends who live in the area. Some were not able to make it due to previous commitments or vacation plans. I think we still had over 20 people there and I’m not sure my deck could have held many more.

What I loved about that party was the guest list. As I looked around at my friends I realized how much each one of them meant to me for very special reasons. Some friends I’ve known since college. One friend, my husband’s college roommate, I’ve known for 30 years. Other friends are more recent. I’ve gotten to know them within the last three years. And some, like one of my college roommates, is a reconnection after many years apart. These were the folks with whom I truly wanted to celebrate my day.

(I also realized that we had a mini college reunion because seven of us had attended the same college).

My second party was the weekend after my birthday. I went to my mother’s for the weekend so that we could celebrate together. I had made reservations at a local restaurant and invited area friends to join us. This party was an amazing collection of family and friends; complete with a reunion with a dear friend that I haven’t seen in over 30 years. When I looked around the table I was struck by the fact that I have known each person for over 30 years. I cannot explain how I felt as I visited with each of these friends and my sister took pictures. A close friend who lives in Pennsylvania commented that “God is so good” after viewing the pictures I had posted.

Yes. That is what I felt. The pure joy of seeing how truly blessed I am.

 

 

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. And on Twitter @relucsurvivor.

A Decade Passed

No, that is not a typo. A decade has passed. Yesterday, if you asked me how it felt to be turning 50 I would have immediately said, “The 40’s sucked.” But upon reflection, the 40’s were not horrible. True, 43 was a dark year, but the whole decade was filled with blessings, joy and reunions. I started 40 with a birthday dinner. Friends that were at that dinner were at my backyard BBQ that was held to celebrate turning 50.

During this decade both my great-nephew and great-niece were born. That was wonderful!

I passed the California Bar Exam and was sworn into the California Bar.

 

 

 

We adopted both Maria and Kiwi during this past decade.

 

 

I reconnected with childhood friends through FaceBook. The decade brought me joyous in-person reunions. And while I reflect on how blessed I am to have these friendships that span a lifetime, I also rejoice in the new friendships. Some that just started yesterday.

We moved into our beautiful new home. I still walk around in awe that it is ours.

In 2011, at the age of 46 I walked in my very first Avon Walk. And last year I walked across the Golden Gate Bridge. Twice.

 

 

 

I have traveled and made some wonderful friends along the way. I had the opportunity to visit London with my mother; something that was on both our bucket lists.

 

I was at my Goddaughter Kate’s high school graduation. I watched her blossom during her freshman year at college and am looking forward to that graduation.

 







My career has taken a turn that resulted in my “dream job.”

So, as I close one decade and embark on the next I realize that the 40’s, in fact, are a remarkable decade passed.



If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. And on Twitter @relucsurvivor.

Being 49

I remember when my mother turned 49 she spent the whole year saying “I’m going to be 50.” We laugh about it now, but the sad part of this is that she missed being 49. I turned 49 in July. At 49 I am discovering that this is a year of observation. My first observation is that I wonder how I got here. To 49. You see, I was just 47.

As I think about becoming 49 I realize I was never 48. Instead I spent the year being five. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 43. So as I hit 48, I also became five. Every month it was “five years since…”

Being five was not a bad thing. It marked a milestone. Most cancers have a high five year survival rate, which means you are still alive after five years. However, it doesn’t mean you are cancer free or that your cancer hasn’t recurred. It just means you are still alive after five years. But reaching the five year mark with no evidence of disease is huge. I told my oncologist I feel as if I am back into the general population. (She smiled).

Another observation is an awareness of the breast cancer community. I follow a couple of blogs. I read the news. And I paid attention during Pink October. By paying attention I learned a few things. The most important thing I learned has to do with metastatic (Stage IV) breast cancer. If you read my posts during October you know that 30% of early stage breast cancer will recur and metastasize. Yes, it means that 70% have no recurrence and die of something else. Hopefully old age. But this statistic is not discussed as part of treatment. And 30% seems awfully high for a disease that is supposed to have such good prognosis.

What shocked me was to read about a real life person whose cancer came back 20 years later only to metastasize a few years after that. That is correct – 25 years after initial diagnosis! So it doesn’t end after five years. This is why I am taking care of myself; eating healthy, working at being a healthy weight, and exercising. (I encourage this for everyone).

I am also observing how my life is progressing. I sometimes wonder how my professional life as a lawyer and compliance specialist fits with my personal life as a breast cancer survivor and blogger. I know there’s a connection, and lately I’ve been watching as these two worlds come together. Right now it’s difficult to explain, but I’m sure there will be posts generated once I find the words. For now I’m going to observe, and see how God unfolds this new year. A year of being 49.

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor and now on Twitter @relucsurvivor.