If you’ve been following my blog from the beginning you know that I struggle with being “that person;” the one who wears my breast cancer diagnosis as a badge of honor. I am also reluctant to get involved. I wrestle with the knowledge that my survivorship has meaning and that my life has purpose because I often don’t see what that purpose is. Until I am called upon to step out or step up and my heart says “yes” before my brain can filter the response so that my mouth says “no.”
Saying “yes” to opportunities has been on my mind a lot lately. Back in November I had the opportunity the help my friend Tina. Not only did I say “yes,” I insisted on being part of the solution. I work at my pay check job three days a week, which means that Tuesday and Thursday is usually filled with appointments, errands and other activities. At the time that Tina needed help my calendar was completely open on those days so I was able to step up and say “yes” without even thinking about it.
Now I am faced with having said “yes” to Tina and her mother, who has become a friend. Mom’s name is Linda, and Linda needs our help. I am lucky because I have the time. And I know that saying “yes” is the right thing; it is what I’ve been called to do. When I look back on all of my experiences since completing cancer treatment I realize that those events, those turning points in my life, have lead me to today. God put the three of us together for a reason. And it is my responsibility to say “yes” to His calling, whatever the outcome.
What I find amazing is that saying “yes” is still scary, but there is a strength (and at times it feels like physical strength) that is so overpowering that “scary” is no longer an overwhelming emotion. But I do think about what I am afraid of.
This past Wednesday, knowing I would be seeing Linda on Thursday that old nag of doubt crept in. And I realized that my fear is the fear of failure. I fear that I will fail Linda in some way. That I won’t be there for her when she needs me. That I will say “no” at some point out of a selfish desire to do something else. I don’t want to be “that person” either. So I am going to hold onto what I believe is God’s purpose for my life right here, right now. And I will continue to say “yes.”If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. Now on Twitter @relucsurvivor.