Little Women

Except that there are five of us.

Growing up my family had close ties to another family just up the road. My sister and I were close friends with the three sisters. Our school district was quite small so classes were often shared among the grades. My best friend from the age of six was the oldest of us. One grade ahead of me she led the way from elementary school to high school. She paved the way through our teen years and into college. Though we are geographically distant, to this day we are as close as ever. I know I can call her any time of day or night and she will pick up the phone.

Her younger sisters were spaced between me and my sister in terms of age. My sister had the privilege of sharing classes with both. And a classroom with the youngest. The bond among the three of them is strong and everlasting.

The years have taken each of us in different directions. Three of us have stayed in New England. One moved to Texas. Another lives in Switzerland.

Their father recently passed away. It was sudden and unexpected. We came together as a family to love, and hold each other tight. Such an event is never the easiest way to reunite. The occasion brought us together to celebrate his life, and our lives together.

Our lives are different from the characters in Louisa May Alcott’s novels, but track closely all the same. We grew up together. Shared triumphs and disappointments. And have experienced life, and loss, together. As adults we continue to be more than friends. We are family.

We are our own Little Women.

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor.

Yankee Swap

We gather for our family Christmas

The children laugh and play

Brother Bill is missing this year

He had to be away

 

Family is a niece

Who has children of her own

And a great grandma

Who marvels at how they’ve grown

 

And family is a sister

Who is pretty, smart, and strong

Family is that place

Where you know that you belong

 

But family is also friends we’ve known

For many, many years

We’ve shared a lot of joy

And even shed some tears

 

Together we are crazy

We tend to talk non-stop

Telling stories and laughing loud

Gathering for the Yankee Swap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. And on Twitter @relucsurvivor.

Life & Death

My cousin is dead. There’s not much more to say about that. He died almost three weeks ago. Technically he is an in-law. He was married to my cousin. He has been part of our lives since we were teenagers. That’s a long time.

My cousins are like my siblings. The six of us grew up together and we have a tight bond. Losing David was a shock. He is the first of our generation to die. As you can imagine, there is a huge hole in his absence, though I’m not sure it’s fully realized yet. But I don’t want to talk about his death. I want to share with you his life.

In many ways David was larger than life. Everything he did he did to the fullest. He loved his wife and cared for her as if she were a princess. His sons were his whole life. He did not hold back on correcting them if they were going astray, but he also showed them great love through his actions.

And if his sons were his world, his grandchildren were his universe. What he would not do for them! His eyes would sparkle just talking about them. He would grin ear to ear when they came over for a visit. He took them with him wherever he went. He could not get enough of them.

Beyond his immediate family he cared deeply for his extended family. He took care of his mother-in-law. He helped his father-in-law with yard work and other chores that are now a challenge for my uncle. He adored my mother and my sister; always having a kind word for my mother when they spoke on the phone. My sister was his kid sister. Their friendship was filled with teasing and jokes that only siblings are allowed to exchange.

As I shared with friends, his life was defined by passion. If he loved you, he loved you fully. David showed us what it meant to live. And now he is gone. It hurts.

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. And on Twitter @relucsurvivor.

I Believe

I believe in the magic of Christmas. Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the entire year. There is something magical about the day; an evening that wakes to gifts that weren’t there the night before. Even long after I learned the truth about Santa Claus I knew that Christmas Eve was still very special. I still go to sleep anticipating the “good” that the morning will bring. I still wake with the excitement of new beginnings Christmas morning.

This year my husband and I decided to keep Christmas simple. Simple, in terms of what the world knows for the season. Our Christmas is always extended over the week between Christmas and New Year’s. We’ll spend one holiday with his family, the other with mine, and somewhere in between we’ll exchange our own gifts. Some years we are elaborate with our gift giving to each other. Other years we just stuff a stocking for each other. This year will be a combination of stockings and a couple small gifts (when we get around to our day together).

Simplicity this year meant a few decorations to make the house look special and festive. But instead of running around like crazy and trying to do too much we took the time to be with friends and family. Each weekend during this holiday season we have gathered with different friends or family to just enjoy each other’s company. One weekend was a dinner, complete with a smoked turkey.

Each weekend has brought us something special; time with friends. Time that we cannot get back. But also time that we would never trade. It is those times that have meaning and make memories. While gifts will wear out or break or fade, no one can take those moments, these memories, away.

Our celebrations will continue this week with some more gatherings. They will be filled with laughter and love. Most of all, they will be filled with the magic of Christmas.

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. And on Twitter @relucsurvivor.

35 With 15 Years of Experience

I turned 50 this past month. I told people I was having a milestone birthday. Most guessed that I was turning 40. So, if someone asked, rather than guess, I said I was 35 with 15 years of experience. For me, it was, and is, an age worth celebrating.

I had originally wanted a huge party. You know the kind: held in a ballroom with 150 of my closest friends. It didn’t work out that way, but I sure did have a wonderful birthday. I decided to make it a week-long celebration.

Due to various constraints I ended up having two parties, complete with flowers, balloons (which are still inflated) and cake. My first party was held the weekend before the actual date. It was my local party; held in my backyard and invitations sent to select friends who live in the area. Some were not able to make it due to previous commitments or vacation plans. I think we still had over 20 people there and I’m not sure my deck could have held many more.

What I loved about that party was the guest list. As I looked around at my friends I realized how much each one of them meant to me for very special reasons. Some friends I’ve known since college. One friend, my husband’s college roommate, I’ve known for 30 years. Other friends are more recent. I’ve gotten to know them within the last three years. And some, like one of my college roommates, is a reconnection after many years apart. These were the folks with whom I truly wanted to celebrate my day.

(I also realized that we had a mini college reunion because seven of us had attended the same college).

My second party was the weekend after my birthday. I went to my mother’s for the weekend so that we could celebrate together. I had made reservations at a local restaurant and invited area friends to join us. This party was an amazing collection of family and friends; complete with a reunion with a dear friend that I haven’t seen in over 30 years. When I looked around the table I was struck by the fact that I have known each person for over 30 years. I cannot explain how I felt as I visited with each of these friends and my sister took pictures. A close friend who lives in Pennsylvania commented that “God is so good” after viewing the pictures I had posted.

Yes. That is what I felt. The pure joy of seeing how truly blessed I am.

 

 

If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor. And on Twitter @relucsurvivor.

Brother William

Today is my brother's birthday. I've written about him before. He is older than I am by 3+ years. We were tight in the early days. We grew apart as teenagers and adults. As an adult, his friends call him Bill. I still call him William.

We've reconnected over the past several years and while we are different and things have changed, we still share much in common. He is an artist. He has a couple of blogs. (One of the things we have in common).


[Psst. William. If you're reading this, you need to write more].

I don't have anything new to share, but I thought I'd share a few pictures of us.



1964



1966

1968



2008

Happy Birthday, William! I hope your day is filled with sunshine, love and lots of cake.






If you enjoy my blog and would like to follow me on Facebook, I can be found at The Reluctant Survivor.

Family: Christine, Part 3

Some would say that Christine’s Aunt Cindy is my best friend. To me, she is family. It is often quoted that “family is not flesh and blood,” but who we choose to stick by through everything life has to offer. Our story started long before our parents were even married. You see, Cindy’s uncle and my father-in-law were college roommates 25 years before Cindy and I shared an apartment together on that same college campus. Our families are friends. I love her brothers as if they were my own brother; which includes the teasing. Her older sister is, in many ways, my older sister.

I held Cindy’s children when they were just hours old and have watched them grow up into the beautiful, responsible teenagers they are today. But beyond sharing vacations and birthday parties, Cindy is an ever-present part of my life. Helping me through the difficult times, as well as celebrating my successes.

Christine has been part of my life, like her cousins Kate and Megan. I met Christine’s mother, Ami a few years before she was born; when her sister Caroline was only months old. Over the years we have shared family parties, Thanksgiving Dinner, and her graduation from college. I have had the privilege of watching her grow into the beautiful, strong, intelligent young woman that she is today. It breaks my heart to watch her struggle and there is nothing I can do. She and I have a lot in common and have shared some “pains” of growing up. I see so much of myself in her, and while our diseases are so very different I have a sense that we now have one more common bond. In so many ways she is a role model and gives me strength.

Her Aunt Cindy (my friend and “other” sister) is matter-of-fact and practical. She tells it like it is, in the middle of all the drama. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I knew that I had to tell her in person. A phone call or an email just wouldn’t do. We went back and forth a bit on “when” we could get together until I simply stated, “I need to see you.” When I broke the news her first words were, “I’m not going to plan your funeral until you tell me to.” Now that may seem odd to some, but those practical, matter-of-fact words were words of comfort and love. In some ways, only family can talk to you that way.

When Christine got sick, Cindy dropped everything to be there for the family. She did (and does) what needs to get done. She doesn’t obsess about what “might be.” For her, it is about the here and now. A philosophy of: We do what we have to do now to get through this, and we don’t make plans until you tell me otherwise. That’s when you know she’s got your back. That, is family.