The Middle Child

A lot has been written about middle child syndrome. Most definitions are quite negative, describing characteristics such as feeling ignored and resentful of the first born or the baby of the family, acting out to get attention, not able to keep lasting relationships or a solid career path, and generally a sense of average underachiever. However, a middle child is also described as being a good negotiator; one who can see both sides of a situation or argument and seeks peace. A middle child may be a loner, but is also described as creative.

I recently had the privilege of talking with my cousin Scotty. I say privilege because he is a popular jazz musician in the Seattle area and here I am living north of Boston, which means we don’t talk much and only see each other every few years. In our conversations this past month Scotty and I talked of childhood memories and experiences. We discovered we have a lot in common. We are both a middle child.

Both Scotty and I have long-lasting marriages and have found success in our careers. So I guess that disproves one theory. Anyway, in our recent conversation we talked about pent up energy and how it has shaped decisions we have made for our lives. Scotty shared stories from his own life path that resulted in his music. He does something every day to feed his passion; music.

That got me thinking about my “passion.” I wrote when I was in high school and college. Somehow I got away from that. I started writing again about two years ago. Last year I wrote a couple of poems. As I said to my friend, Liz, poetry happens. It is a feeling inside that just has to get out or I’ll burst. I also realize that writing is my therapy. There is so much I want to say and I don’t necessarily want to keep it to myself. So, thanks to Scotty, I started this blog.

I don’t agree with the definition of middle child syndrome. It is probably because there is more to being “in the middle” than simple birth order. In our case, Scotty and I are mirror images of each other. He has an older sister and a younger brother. I have an older brother and a younger sister. I am definitely a negotiator. I try to see both sides of an argument and find the common ground, but that is not a bad thing. Harmony is one of my top five strengths. And Scotty is creative. So I guess we both got the best of being a middle child.

One thing that is true: being a middle child is not a syndrome or a dysfunctional state that needs fixing. A middle child is strong, and independent, and most of all passionate.

You can learn more about Scotty Harris at www.bassicsaxx.com.